Parenting Tips

Crying Baby: handle with care
Alternatives to Physical Discipline: Provide a Positive Environment for Children
Positive Parenting: Talking to Your Children and Teens
Top 10 Prevention Tips
Signs of Abuse

Why is Your Baby Crying?

Crying is normal. Some babies cry more than others. Babies cry because they are hungry, need a diaper change or want to be comforted. Babies may cry because they just need to release some tension of their own.
Crying is an annoying sound. It is supposted to be so that a parent will pay attention to baby’s needs.
Crying may mean that your baby is not feeling well. If you are worried, take your baby to the doctor.
Crying does not mean that your baby is being bad or that your baby is angry with you.
If you are tired, ill or stressed out, it can be hard to be calm and supportive of your baby.
It is important that you take steps to manage your own feelings in order to meet your baby’s needs.
It is more important to stay calm than to stop the crying.

What to do for You

Take a few deep breaths.
Give yourself a reassuring message such as “this will be okay”, “all babies cry”, “this will pass” “this is normal”.
If you feel that you can’t cope with your baby’s crying at that moment, put your baby safely and calmly into the crib.
It is not harmful to leave your baby crying in a safe place for a short time, until you are calm.

What to do for Your Baby

Feed baby if it has been more than 2 hours since baby’s last feed.
Burp baby.
Check the baby’s diaper.
Make sure nothing is irritating baby such as tags, diaper pins, velcro on diapers, tight elastics, etc.
Hold your baby in a different position.
Give baby a warm bath.
Play soft music or TV for background sounds.
Rock baby in a rocking chair or cradle.
Wrap baby in a soft blanket.
Snuggle baby close to you and sing or talk soothingly.
No matter how upset you feel, never, never, never shake a baby.

Babies have weak neck muscles and heavy heads and even a few seconds of forceful shaking can cause serious damage to babies and small children. Shaking a baby in a moment of frustration can cause blindness, brain damage or death.
Although it is unlikely that injuries would occur from playing with an infant, parents and caregivers should always consider how easily and infant’s brain can be hurt. Always support an infant’s head and neck. Even minor injuries to a baby’s brain can cause life long problems.

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Alternatives to Physical Discipline: Provide a Positive Environment for Children

Most children will learn how to behave well if the environment in which they grow up is nurturing and caring. A happy relationship between a parent and a child is the most important foundation on which to build acceptable behaviour.

Children are more likely to grow up behaving well if they are:

loved, valued and told how important they are
shown how to behave well because the adults around them behave well
not expected to behave in ways which are beyond their developmental capacities
given clear rules and parents are consistent about them
supervised well and kept occupied with appropriate activities
provided with predictable and sensible routines
having their physical and emotional needs well attended to

Good disciplinary practices include:

positive reinforcement
praise
modelling
structure and routine
setting and maintaining limits
realistic expectations and follow through
verbal and non-verbal cues
time outs
logical consequences
problem-solving

To Top

Positive Parenting: Talking to Your Children and Teens

Effective parent-child communication is the foundation for building your child's self-esteem and fostering loving, supportive relationships with others. Keep the lines open and listen actively to what your child has to say...

Talking to Your Children:

get your head physically on the same level as your child's when you talk
use words and phrases that your children understand
avoid including too many ideas in your messages
paraphrase what you heard your child express
give clear and consistent instructions defining the exact behaviour you want
make sure your nonverbal messages do not interfere with or contradict your verbal messages
make your messages complete and specific
pay full attention to your child and maintain eye contact with him or her to enhance communication
avoid thinking about your reply before listening to everything your child has to say
teach your children not to interrupt and model that behaviour yourself
ask what, how and why questions that promote discussion rather than questions requiring only yes or no answers
be alert to body language and respond in kind just as you do with friends

Talking to Your Teen:

Conversations with teens can be refreshing and insightful...they should be a part of each day. Most conversations take place in the presence of other people...so find occasions to talk with your teen alone, away from brother, sister and anyone else. Make sure you listen to what is being said and what is not being said. Effective communications is the key to healthy relationships.

teens deserve respect
adults should respect their teens and expect it in return
adults should show respect for a teenagers friends
never berate or belittle a teen in front of his/her peers
think about how often you ask teens questions and seek their opinions

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Top 10 Prevention Tips

Report abuse. If you suspect a child is being abused or neglected, it’s your legal duty to report the situation to a Children’s Aid Society, even if you’ve already reported it on a previous occasion. For the child’s sake, don’t delay, call the Family and Children’s Services immediately. The phone lines are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
Know what abuse and neglect is. Abuse is when a child is hurt intentionally, or when a parent or caregiver fails to protect a child in their care – it’s against the law.
Physical abuse and sexual abuse are clear examples of maltreatment, but so too is neglect – the failure to meet a child’s basic needs for food, clothing, shelter, sleep, medical attention, education and protection from harm. Children can also be emotionally abused when their parent or caregiver attacks their child’s emotional development and self worth by constantly criticizing, teasing, bullying, rejecting or ignoring the child.
Know the signs. Unexplained injuries, fear of a specific adult, difficulty trusting others or making friends, sudden changes in eating or sleeping patterns, poor hygiene, secrecy and inappropriate sexual behaviour may be signs of family problems and could indicate a child is being abused or neglected. Remember you don’t need to be sure that a child is being abused or neglected – let your local Children’s Aid Society know what your concerns are and we will determine if a child is in danger.
Volunteer. There are lots of volunteer opportunities to help vulnerable families in your community. Call Family and Children’s Services and get involved.
Support prevention programs. Too often, intervention occurs only after abuse is reported. Greater investments are needed in programs that have proven to stop abuse before it occurs – such as family counseling and mandatory parenting education.
Be an advocate. Encourage leaders in your community to be supportive of kids and families. Access to affordable day care and housing, parenting centres and after school recreation programs are just a few services that you can ask your local elected leaders to support.
Educate yourself and others. Invite your local Children’s Aid Society to your church, classroom, workplace or community group to give a presentation about child abuse and neglect. Talk with your neighbours about the importance of supporting children and families in your area. For example, when you see a parent is at their wits end offer your assistance – even a few minutes can go a long way!
Teach children their rights. When children are taught they are special and that they have the right to be safe, they are less likely to think abuse is their fault and more likely to report an offender.
Discipline without hurting. Remember discipline is meant to teach your child how to behave, be safe and get along with others. Hitting may have an immediate effect, but it doesn’t teach children self-control. Physical punishment teaches children that hitting is okay and it teaches them to be afraid and hide what they are doing from you. Physical punishment often occurs because a parent is angry and frustrated. This is particularly dangerous, however, as it is too easy to lose control and seriously hurt your child.
Nobody is perfect. If you need help, ask for it. Call Family and Children’s Services for more information about parenting and services in your community.

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Signs of Abuse

If you have concerns about a child, please call Lennox and Addington Family and Children’s Services immediately. All Child Welfare agencies have emergency service 24 hours a day, so you can call anytime.

What is child abuse or neglect?

When a child is hurt intentionally, or when a parent or caregiver fails to protect a child in their care. It is against the law. It is a misuse of parental power and can lead to life long negative consequences. There are different kinds of child abuse physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse and neglect.

Physical Abuse

What is physical abuse?
Any deliberate physical force or action (usually by a parent or caregiver) that results, or could result, in injury to a child. It can include punching, slapping, beating, shaking, burning, biting or throwing a child. It is different from what is considered reasonable discipline.

The signs and indicators of abuse and neglect may include but are not limited to those that follow. It is important to realize that the presence of any one indicator is not conclusive proof that a child has been abused. In most instances, abused children will exhibit a number of behavioural and physical indicators.

Physical abuse is any harm to a child caused by an action or omission of action by the child's caregiver.

Injuries may include:

Bruises
Welts
Cuts
Fractures
Burns or Internal Injuries

Physical abuse can be one or two isolated incidents or can occur over a prolonged period of time.

Behavioural indicators:

cannot recall how injuries occurred or offers an inconsistent explanation
wary of adults
may cringe or flinch if touched unexpectedly
infants may display a vacant stare
extremely aggressive or extremely withdrawn
indiscriminately seeks affection
extremely compliant and/or eager to please

Physical indicators:

injuries that are not consistent with explanation
presence of several injuries that are in various stages of healing
presence of various injuries over a period of time
facial injuries in infants and preschool children
injuries inconsistent with the child's age and developmental phase

Sexual Abuse

sexual interference
an invitation to sexually touch
sexual exploitation of a young person
parent or guardian procuring sexual activity from a child
householder permitting sexual activity
exposing genitals to a child
incest

Behavioural indicators:

age inappropriate play with toys, self or others displaying explicit sexual acts
age inappropriate sexually explicit drawing and/or descriptions
bizarre, sophisticated or unusual sexual knowledge
prostitution
seductive behaviours

Physical indicators:

unusual or excessive itching in the genital or anal area
torn, stained or bloody underwear (may be observed if the child needs bathroom assistance)
pregnancy
injuries to the genital or anal areas, eg bruising, swelling or infection
venereal disease

Emotional Abuse

The signs and indicators of abuse and neglect may include but are not limited to those that follow. It is important to realize that the presence of any one indicator is not conclusive proof that a child has been abused. In most instances, abused children will exhibit a number of behavioural and physical indicators.

Emotional abuse includes all acts of omission or commission which result in the absence of a nurturing environment for the child. It occurs when the caregiver continually treats the child in such a negative way that the child's concept of "self" is seriously impaired. Emotionally abusive behaviour by the caregiver can include constant yelling; demeaning remarks; rejecting, ignoring or isolating the child; or terrorizing the child. Emotional abuse can be the most difficult to identify and prove.

Behavioural Indicators:

severe depression
extreme withdrawal or aggressiveness
overly compliant, too well mannered, too neat or clean
extreme attention seeking
displays extreme inhibition in play

Physical Indicators:

bed wetting that is non-medical in origin
frequent psychosomatic complaints, headaches, nausea, abdominal pains
child fails to thrive

Neglect

The signs and indicators of abuse and neglect may include but are not limited to those that follow. It is important to realize that the presence of any one indicator is not conclusive proof that a child has been abused. In most instances, abused children will exhibit a number of behavioural and physical indicators.

Most caregivers do not intend to neglect their children. It usually results from ignorance about appropriate care for children or an ability to plan ahead.
Neglect occurs when a caregiver fails to provide basic needs such as adequate food, sleep, safety, supervision, clothing or medical treatment.

Behavioural Indicators:

pale, listless, unkempt
frequent absence from school
inappropriate clothing for the weather, dirty clothes
engaged in delinquent acts, alcohol/drug abuse
frequently forgets a lunch

Physical Indicators:

poor hygiene
unattended physical problems or medical needs, eg dental work, glasses
consistent lack of supervision

To Top

Parenting Tips

Crying Baby: handle with care
Alternatives to Physical Discipline: Provide a Positive Environment for Children
Positive Parenting: Talking to Your Children and Teens
Top 10 Prevention Tips
Signs of Abuse

Crying Baby: handle with care

Why is Your Baby Crying?

Crying is normal. Some babies cry more than others. Babies cry because they are hungry, need a diaper change or want to be comforted. Babies may cry because they just need to release some tension of their own.
Crying is an annoying sound. It is supposted to be so that a parent will pay attention to baby’s needs.
Crying may mean that your baby is not feeling well. If you are worried, take your baby to the doctor.
Crying does not mean that your baby is being bad or that your baby is angry with you.
If you are tired, ill or stressed out, it can be hard to be calm and supportive of your baby.
It is important that you take steps to manage your own feelings in order to meet your baby’s needs.
It is more important to stay calm than to stop the crying.

What to do for You

Take a few deep breaths.
Give yourself a reassuring message such as “this will be okay”, “all babies cry”, “this will pass” “this is normal”.
If you feel that you can’t cope with your baby’s crying at that moment, put your baby safely and calmly into the crib.
It is not harmful to leave your baby crying in a safe place for a short time, until you are calm.

What to do for Your Baby

Feed baby if it has been more than 2 hours since baby’s last feed.
Burp baby.
Check the baby’s diaper.
Make sure nothing is irritating baby such as tags, diaper pins, velcro on diapers, tight elastics, etc.
Hold your baby in a different position.
Give baby a warm bath.
Play soft music or TV for background sounds.
Rock baby in a rocking chair or cradle.
Wrap baby in a soft blanket.
Snuggle baby close to you and sing or talk soothingly.
No matter how upset you feel, never, never, never shake a baby.

To Top

Alternatives to Physical Discipline: Provide a Positive Environment for Children

loved, valued and told how important they are
shown how to behave well because the adults around them behave well
not expected to behave in ways which are beyond their developmental capacities
given clear rules and parents are consistent about them
supervised well and kept occupied with appropriate activities
provided with predictable and sensible routines
having their physical and emotional needs well attended to

Good disciplinary practices include:

positive reinforcement
praise
modelling
structure and routine
setting and maintaining limits
realistic expectations and follow through
verbal and non-verbal cues
time outs
logical consequences
problem-solving

To Top

Positive Parenting: Talking to Your Children and Teens

get your head physically on the same level as your child's when you talk
use words and phrases that your children understand
avoid including too many ideas in your messages
paraphrase what you heard your child express
give clear and consistent instructions defining the exact behaviour you want
make sure your nonverbal messages do not interfere with or contradict your verbal messages
make your messages complete and specific
pay full attention to your child and maintain eye contact with him or her to enhance communication
avoid thinking about your reply before listening to everything your child has to say
teach your children not to interrupt and model that behaviour yourself
ask what, how and why questions that promote discussion rather than questions requiring only yes or no answers
be alert to body language and respond in kind just as you do with friends

Talking to Your Teen:

teens deserve respect
adults should respect their teens and expect it in return
adults should show respect for a teenagers friends
never berate or belittle a teen in front of his/her peers
think about how often you ask teens questions and seek their opinions

To Top

Top 10 Prevention Tips

Report abuse. If you suspect a child is being abused or neglected, it’s your legal duty to report the situation to a Children’s Aid Society, even if you’ve already reported it on a previous occasion. For the child’s sake, don’t delay, call the Family and Children’s Services immediately. The phone lines are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
Know what abuse and neglect is. Abuse is when a child is hurt intentionally, or when a parent or caregiver fails to protect a child in their care – it’s against the law.
Physical abuse and sexual abuse are clear examples of maltreatment, but so too is neglect – the failure to meet a child’s basic needs for food, clothing, shelter, sleep, medical attention, education and protection from harm. Children can also be emotionally abused when their parent or caregiver attacks their child’s emotional development and self worth by constantly criticizing, teasing, bullying, rejecting or ignoring the child.
Know the signs. Unexplained injuries, fear of a specific adult, difficulty trusting others or making friends, sudden changes in eating or sleeping patterns, poor hygiene, secrecy and inappropriate sexual behaviour may be signs of family problems and could indicate a child is being abused or neglected. Remember you don’t need to be sure that a child is being abused or neglected – let your local Children’s Aid Society know what your concerns are and we will determine if a child is in danger.
Volunteer. There are lots of volunteer opportunities to help vulnerable families in your community. Call Family and Children’s Services and get involved.
Support prevention programs. Too often, intervention occurs only after abuse is reported. Greater investments are needed in programs that have proven to stop abuse before it occurs – such as family counseling and mandatory parenting education.
Be an advocate. Encourage leaders in your community to be supportive of kids and families. Access to affordable day care and housing, parenting centres and after school recreation programs are just a few services that you can ask your local elected leaders to support.
Educate yourself and others. Invite your local Children’s Aid Society to your church, classroom, workplace or community group to give a presentation about child abuse and neglect. Talk with your neighbours about the importance of supporting children and families in your area. For example, when you see a parent is at their wits end offer your assistance – even a few minutes can go a long way!
Teach children their rights. When children are taught they are special and that they have the right to be safe, they are less likely to think abuse is their fault and more likely to report an offender.
Discipline without hurting. Remember discipline is meant to teach your child how to behave, be safe and get along with others. Hitting may have an immediate effect, but it doesn’t teach children self-control. Physical punishment teaches children that hitting is okay and it teaches them to be afraid and hide what they are doing from you. Physical punishment often occurs because a parent is angry and frustrated. This is particularly dangerous, however, as it is too easy to lose control and seriously hurt your child.
Nobody is perfect. If you need help, ask for it. Call Family and Children’s Services for more information about parenting and services in your community.

To Top

Signs of Abuse

Physical Abuse

Bruises
Welts
Cuts
Fractures
Burns or Internal Injuries

Physical abuse can be one or two isolated incidents or can occur over a prolonged period of time.

Behavioural indicators:

cannot recall how injuries occurred or offers an inconsistent explanation
wary of adults
may cringe or flinch if touched unexpectedly
infants may display a vacant stare
extremely aggressive or extremely withdrawn
indiscriminately seeks affection
extremely compliant and/or eager to please

Physical indicators:

injuries that are not consistent with explanation
presence of several injuries that are in various stages of healing
presence of various injuries over a period of time
facial injuries in infants and preschool children
injuries inconsistent with the child's age and developmental phase

Sexual Abuse

sexual interference
an invitation to sexually touch
sexual exploitation of a young person
parent or guardian procuring sexual activity from a child
householder permitting sexual activity
exposing genitals to a child
incest

Behavioural indicators:

age inappropriate play with toys, self or others displaying explicit sexual acts
age inappropriate sexually explicit drawing and/or descriptions
bizarre, sophisticated or unusual sexual knowledge
prostitution
seductive behaviours

Physical indicators:

unusual or excessive itching in the genital or anal area
torn, stained or bloody underwear (may be observed if the child needs bathroom assistance)
pregnancy
injuries to the genital or anal areas, eg bruising, swelling or infection
venereal disease

Emotional Abuse

severe depression
extreme withdrawal or aggressiveness
overly compliant, too well mannered, too neat or clean
extreme attention seeking
displays extreme inhibition in play

Physical Indicators:

bed wetting that is non-medical in origin
frequent psychosomatic complaints, headaches, nausea, abdominal pains
child fails to thrive

Neglect

The signs and indicators of abuse and neglect may include but are not limited to those that follow. It is important to realize that the presence of any one indicator is not conclusive proof that a child has been abused. In most instances, abused children will exhibit a number of behavioural and physical indicators.

Most caregivers do not intend to neglect their children. It usually results from ignorance about appropriate care for children or an ability to plan ahead.
Neglect occurs when a caregiver fails to provide basic needs such as adequate food, sleep, safety, supervision, clothing or medical treatment.

Behavioural Indicators:

pale, listless, unkempt
frequent absence from school
inappropriate clothing for the weather, dirty clothes
engaged in delinquent acts, alcohol/drug abuse
frequently forgets a lunch

Physical Indicators:

poor hygiene
unattended physical problems or medical needs, eg dental work, glasses
consistent lack of supervision

To Top